  Quote of the random upDate: "Actually, the tentacle DOES go there."(11/25/2003) -Want more?-
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| November 2003
A Dirty news post! (Amended.. again. Fixed the link.)
I was working on THIS BRAND NEW
VIRAL SPEAK for the peoples and I was also surfing around for a bit.
Well, I checked in on a few sites and I noticed that they mentioned the
Lion & Lamb Project's "Dirty Dozen"
list. Now, the list was also mentioned in USA Today as well. I'll admit
it right now that I subscribe to the Lion & Lamb Project's
newsletters and I'm an active supporter of the group. The usual stuff
was mentioned in this year's list. Games and toys that are related to R
or PG-13 movies that may appeal to younger children; but are
inappropriate to some parents. Parents need help to identify products
they may take objection to, more often than not. It makes sense and
it's not censorship; it's PARENTING. Now, quite a few sites tend to
cast the list in a bad light. This stems from their inherent ignorance,
so pity them. L&L Project is not out to ruin your day, or any such
nonsense. In fact, they exist to inform parents of alternatives to the
more violent games and toys. Here's my short list of games that are
worth parents purchases and are safe for younger kids to play too. Here
we go!
1. Super Mario Bros. 3 - Best. Platformer. Ever. Also, rated E just like everything else on this list.
2. Final Fantasy Tactics Advance: While there may be slight objection
by some of the more stringent parents, the story focuses on friendship
and survival in a fantasy based world created by a book ala Neverending
Story. While not appropriate for younger children with very little
reading skill, this is a game that middle school children can be safe
with. It teaches a lot of tactical thinking and the inclusion of
"Judges" likens many of the matches to being merely a sport.
3. Wario Ware - Aside from a few semi-crude jokes about nose picking,
this easy to pick up and fairly non-violent game of quick reactions.
It's about thinking on your feet and is also loads of fun!
4. Mega Man Battle Network 3 - While, the inclusion of the word
"battle" denotes some sort of violence, this is -in reality- a tame
action/strategy game aimed -once again- at middle school children.
5. Pokemon Pinball - While some parents still question the franchise,
there is no denying that this game is a fun, forgiving, and very
friendly pinball game. It is appropriate for all ages.
\6. Sonic Pinball Party - Another excellent pinball game in the vein of
Pokemon Pinball; but with the likeable Sonic The Hedgehog franchise.
On that note, better to let parents know the truth instead of trying to
regulate it. Remember that the censor monkies work for Focus on
the Family, not Lion & Lamb. Also, I'll explain a little bit of
stuff to the people at Nintendorks. The reason that Daphne said that
the X-Men movie creates imaginary fears is that it has a subtext about
the government using The Patriot Act to abduct people. If you didn't
catch the subtext, you're dumber than I remember. By the way, before
people talk about the Patriot Act in Viral Speak, go actually READ the
thing. Yes, Ted Kennedy, Al Franken, Micheal Moore, and Tom Daschle are
LYING to you! GASP! Who would have thought that drunkards and racists
would ever lie!
Oh! If anyone wants to send me $600, that's the final cost on repair to
the van. Woo! $400 of that is labor, though. She went flambe; but not
too bad. YAY! Oh, it was -of course- the water pump. Comment? -November 24th, 2003-
Like.. Woah!
My
van caught fire today. No really. It had a bad Water Pump, so I was
worried about how to pay for that repair. So, my dad picked up the van
and was driving it to Warrensburg when it started smoking really badly.
He stopped and opened up the front of the van to reveal.. FIRE! Fire is
bad. So, I have no van. I have to use a tiny car for right now. I
miss my van. So, the updates for the 19th, and 20th were umm.. not put
up as a umm.. way to honor the van. Tommorrow, I shall update with a
big ol' update of Suki Nihon goodness as well as some new Game Boy
Reviews! But for now. Inspirational Van Poetry.
Oh, my van.
I miss you already with your smooth animal-running-over-ness and your quick way of making all sorts of weird noises.
Oh, my van.
With your amazing non-working cassette deck and your weird little problems.
Oh, my van.
YOU BURNIFIED WITH EXTREME BURNIFICATION WORTHY OF PYRONETIC LOVING!!!!
Oh, my van.
Now sing it! Sing it like it was something you were singing for a most huge audience! Hey, slow news day. Comment? -PAW/11/21/2003-
Calming nerves frayed and battered.
Or not. Hey? I was wondering.. what the Hell is this?
Could it be the Japanese online manga.. offline? I hope so! August 1st,
2004. Thank you eagle eyed reader BrianC who caught the story! Comment? -PAW/11/18/2003-
Lay, Lady, Lay.
Lay across that big brass bed.. Oh! Had a bunch of car things to deal with. Sadness. Anyways, I did manage to squeak out a NEW Viral Speak for you! I also finished up some reviews.. which you will see online tommorrow. Later! Comment? -PAW/11/18/2003-
I am at a loss for words.
For
the very first time EVER, Nintendo is posting a loss. It's a loss of
about 26 Million or so; but still. Wow. Nintendo has never posted a
loss since going public in 1967. I'm sure they know now, what Microsoft
and Sony feel like. Although, Nintendo stated that they will ne in the
green by the end of the quarter; they also did not hesitate to announce
that new product (presumed to be hardware) will debut at E3. A new
handheld? Who knows. Anyhow, they also announced that Metroid: Zero
Mission comes out in February. Buy that one. Comment? -PAW/11/13/2003
Famtisucal Advantages
The
latest scores are out for the latest issue of the Japanese magazine
Weekly Famitsu. How did the new games do? I would say that it went well
for all the systems with some decent scores across the board. However,
here at DMG Ice, we DON'T CARE how the PS2 or XBox are doing. The score
tally went a little like this: There were two Platinum Awards and three
Gold Awards. Weekly Famitsu has a score style that rates 40 as a
perfect score. They have four different reviewers give a 1 to 10 score
and then they add it up. If it gets over 35, the game is Platinum, a
score on or between 32 and 34 is a Gold award. 30 and 31 are Silver
award numbers. Anything below 30 does not get an award. Simplistic,
right? You may have seen it before in Electronic Gaming Monthly. EGM is
the bastard son of Weekly Famitsu; which is why they have similar score
styles. All that does not matter though. Both Platinum award winning
games were Game Boy Advance titles. Both are coming to the USA soon as
well! Shipping next week is Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga. While it
does not contain any making out with trees, it does contain much better
jokes than your average Saturday Night Live drop out movie. Famitsu
awarded it a whopping combined score of 37, just three points shy of
perfect. The four point tally was 9/10/9/9. The second game to score a
Platinum was the SquareEnix collaboration known as Slime Mori Mori
Dragon Quest. This game features Dragon Quest slimes and monsters in an
RPG. For those wondering, Dragon Quest is called Dragon Warrior here in
the United States. This game has not been announced for the United
States; but after recieving a combined score of 35 with an 8/9/9/9
tally - the chances of it coming here are exceptional. The third game
is Pokemon Colosseum, which allows you to play your Ruby/Sapphire
Pokemon game on your Game Cube, battle creatures in full 3-D Arena
combat, and -for the first time- allow you to play a fully 3D Pokemon
RPG adventure. To say this in the most vulgar way possible: It's about
f***ing time we got a 3D Pokemon RPG. This game earned a Gold award
with a combined score of 33 and a tally of 8/9/8/8. There were three
other Game Boy Advance games on the charts; but only one of those
-Mickey & Donald's Magical Quest 3- has an IGN's Chance on the
stock market of coming to the USA. Oh, of note is that one of the games
trounced by the Game Boy Advance's two big titles this time was the
Microsoft answer to Gran Turismo: Project Gotham Racing 2, which
garnered a humble 32. So much for that. Comment? -PAW/11/12/2003-
Hey! It's something!
I
know.. Last month SUCKED. Not much news was put here, the trademark
snide remarks we have here just.. flickered out and were.. not there.
Well, it's November and I have not been able to adjust to the new
schedule at work. Which sucks for all of us. However, I'm just going to
abandon the headline guide and go back even further in the pursuit of
truthful reporting! Speaking of truthful reporting: Seen the PSP
prototype? Is it just me or does it look way too much like a toy or
some sort of cheap radio. There is no screen protection and the inverse
style buttons look hard to press. The whole thing looks like it would
hurt a persons hands if held too long. There are just a lot of things
wrong with the proto type. If this is supposed to be the best that Sony
can pull out their ass, they might as well just give up. The games will
no doubt look good though; even if the design is crap. Well, Mickey's
Magical Quest 2 and Onimushia Tactics should be in your stores by now.
That would be ANOTHER tactical RPG game for the Game Boy Advance. Are
you getting sick of them yet? I'm not. Speaking of sick. Here is a
short NEW VIRAL SPEAK
for you to enjoy! I'm currently working on getting everything else back
up to speed and I'll finish fixing up those buttons to your right
tommorrow as well as finally setting up a schedule and bringing in a
lot of new people to work this magic! On that note, I did update and
fix the news archives as well. Comment? -PAW/10/03/2003
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