My First IGN Speech and other crap.
By Philip Wesley
-Here are some truly RARE items!-
-This is circa 1998 to 2002.. if I remember correctly-
-Damn, this brings back funky memories-

My First IGN Speech. (2001, I think..)

Hello, okay, this is a long "I'm-so-happy-to-be-part-of-IGN-and-I-want-to-talk-like-a-fool-for-paragraphs-on-end-so-you-can-feel-good-and-happy" speech. Okay.

Here goes.

DMG Ice is now part of the IGN family. Nothing changes. We just have a logo and an ad on top of more than 50% of the site. It's not that big of a deal. It just means we now have the power and resources to make the site better and bigger. It also means that more people will read the site and be changed forever. It also means that tons of people are going to worship "Plymouth: The Ice Beetle"; and shrines to Foy will be erected across the globe. It also means we will be here FOREVER. It also means that we have some money to go buy more Damn Good Popcorn(TM). It also means that Pikachu and I will become two of the Four Horsemen and the world is going to come to an end! That's the good stuff.

The bad stuff is that now.... MTV, and THQ will hate us more than ever. And a few people who think that IGN is the death of things will call us sell-outs. We will also have those little ad banners on the top of the site. Maybe if you click them.. they'll disappear? Who knows?

And just so you know, this means that I have to take the Snorlax I named Craig out of box number 2 and get it up to level 100. I'll give you updates on it's incredible journey as it goes along.

Philip Wesley

Here is an evaluation essay I did for a college course. Enjoy! I got an A- on it. - Philip

Vito Corleone would be proud.
By Philip Wesley 2001

The grocery store seemed to fall silent as the shoppers footsteps approached the fruit section of the store. Left by right, the footfalls of the consumer made their eager way toward the lighted tray that held the latest crop of oranges. The arm featuring the outstretched hand of the consumer branched its way outward to grasp the latest crop of Valencian treasure from the trove. Suddenly the impending acquisition is halted as a new kind of fruit catches the steeled gaze of the consumer. A sign next to the Valencia Oranges has caught unfettered attention. The face of said sign reading "Washington Red Apples" in letters that shone with a brilliance rivaled only by the Bethleham Star of Old. The fingers of the hand curl around in a firm grip of the lightly red fruits. What type of oranges are Washington Red Apples? This question burns with a netherworldly fire inside the mind as we settle ourselves down to consider the query. What type of an orange is a Washington Red Apple?

At first glance the Washington Red Apple; or simply "apple" as it will be referred to from now on, is a rather ripe orange. It is a rich reddish color and is much darker than the usually under ripe Valencia Oranges which also share a reddish hue. The texture of the apple is smoother than that of many varieties of oranges. Closer inspection reveals that while the skin is smoother, it still shares the same pin-prick pock marks as its other citrus brethren. The basic shape of the apple is more of an oval than a circle, and it appears to come to an almost intentional point. At the top of the apple, the stem mark is elongated a good bit from normal oranges. The excess stem can be removed fairly quickly to reveal that the stem mark is sunken in. This suggests that the apple is not given enough time to fully ripen to an even point. This must be caused by a quick spoilage period on the apple variety of oranges. The bottom of the apple is also misshapen and features a recessed mark that is not identical to the top of the apple in that it does not feature an elongated stem or marks toward that effect.

Going back to the skin of the apple, it is noted that the apple features rather sensitive skin as it is easily bruised by the slightest drop or pressure. While this would suggest over ripeness, the under-developed deformity of the top of the apple suggests that it is not ripe enough. If given time, the apples skin should harden to a degree. The skin of the apple is comparatively thin and does not peel off in even chunks like other oranges. The apple is tougher to peel than most oranges and bits of the inside may come off when it is peeled by conventional orange peelers.

The inside of the apple is also under-developed as the seeds of the apple are gather toward the center of the apple and have not dispersed into the fleshy part of the apple yet. The middle of the apple is still rather tough compared to the softer middle of the average orange. The inside of the apple also appears to have not developed chambered sections yet. The inside flesh of the apple is fairly hard and is not watery like the inside of the normal variety of orange.

The aroma of the apple is bland compared to the sweet smell of the orange. The taste mirrors the smell in that the apple has a distinctly bland flavor compared to the tangier orange. Unlike normal oranges, the apple requires an external instrument such as a knife to separate its internal flesh into sections. These differences affect the types of recipes that the apple can be used in. Because of the distinctions between the Washington Red Apple and the normal orange, it can be concluded that the apple is an under-developed orange. Not as good as a normal orange; but interesting in its own special ways.

This is an old excerpt in a Dream Log I kept. Just.. look at the date on it.. and then tell me if it really is messed up or not. - Philip
Weird Dream Log - September 22,2002

I was at Hastings with an unidentified girl, and we were participating in a tightrope contest in the store. We were winning. Then it got late and they closed the store in  a hurry because we went to war with Iraq and there were Al Queda terrorist attacks at the Wal-Mart and Pine Street. I got into the car which was for some reason like the bat-mobile. Then, it had a bomb inside and we got stuck in traffic; but we defused the bomb. Then I went up to a friends house where there was a pool; but instead of playing in the pool, we played a 3D version of Half-Life where there were projections you could control from the inside instead of screens. I picked a monster which sucked the life force out of players with it's hands. So, I went to the stairway in the house and waited for a solider to show up. Grabbed it with my hands and drained it's HP and then tossed the body into a closet. Then I heard the rest of the squad coming downstairs with the newest Half-Life weapons, a chainsaw, light saber, and nail guns and I clung to the ceiling and walked over them and then went down and grabbed the guy with the nail gun and made him pull the trigger on his comrades as I drained his HP. I was winning.. then I woke up.

This is my 1998-1999 DMG Dojo opening speech. Wow. Dexter would be Dexter Sy. - Philip
I started out basically writing poetry. I like poetry. Then I thought to myself as I surfed the web. "Heh! Why don't I contribute some content?" So, I wrote some Fan Fiction, some reviews, some editorials, and some other stuff. I distributed the things I made under my name or one of my "alias" like: "The Avardancer", or "Paw Paw the Wonder Dog". Well, that was pretty cool. I liked it. Then I thought after reading and seeing many websites: "Why don't I get a website and gather up all that stuff I wrote?" So I decided to make a website. I first tried "Geocities"; found it too difficult to use and it only offered 2 Megs of space. I wanted to have some room to fall back on. So I moved to "Fortune City". That didn't work out well. But, I got an idea of what I wanted to do. I wanted to make a Game Boy Website that was completely emulation free. Just reviews, news, and information. Well, anyways. I moved to Tripod and named my website after my Ice Blue Gameboy. I named it "Dmg Ice". The "Dmg" was from the product name of the original Game Boy. Well,that took off really well to my shock and amazement. Then Dexter approached me with the idea of making a Game Boy Section for Nintendojo. The first Ideas were "Dmg Ice 2" or "Dojo Dmg". There was also "The Happy place for people who play with thier 'boy!", and "GB Section". Well, we decided on Dmg Dojo. It sounds "cool". Well, anyways. That's what's up and that's what happened.

-Rants(?) by Philip Wesley (1998 - 2001)