By Sebulba113 (Sebulba113@Yahoo.com)
 

       POKéMON.

 One of the best game licenses today.  Every game inolving Pokémon is sure to be: A. Well-Made B. Very Fun and C. A Million Seller.  However, while the games are good, the merchandising is something that makes me physically ill.  Except for the Cereal and the movies, I can't stand anything to do with the game.  Mind you, I'm glad that Nintendo is making billions that they can apply torwards hiring new developers and making the best games and systems in the industry (and buying back Square's support, but that's another essay), but it's a bit overwhelming.

 I've know about the Pocket Monsters phenomenon for 4 years.  It was better back then, just the promise of a terrific GameBoy game.  Then came the licensing.  It was quiet for quite some time (remember the beanies at KFC in '98?  I got all of them, the employees had no idea what the heck they were, a family friend got my little brother some of the figurines for Christmas that year, she said employees would stare at her and ask "What did you just say?  Pokaybon?"), then came the cards.  Oh, man, what did we do to deserve this?  I like the card GAME, it's great, but all these stupid little spoiled-brat kids want to do is collect them.  That's my first problem with them.  
 

The second is much worse.  

 These cards have spread like crazy, so everybody knows the word "Pokeeman", which is spelled that way on purpose.  If you don't know why, step outside of the chat rooms and forums where people know what they're talking about (and what what the heck the accent mark is doing over the e.  I mean, we can pronounce flambé, can't we?  You never hear anybody say "And I want the chicken, a la flambee") , and ask somebody else about it.  

 Unfortunately, all these idiots know is that Pokeeman is that he's yellow and looks like a rabbit.  Some people who have younger siblings know that that horrid beast is a "Peekachoo", and it's a filthy little mutha.  They also know that there's a mundane, incredibly poorly translated/dubbed anime that's quite sappy (although I think the movies were pretty good, they had enough action to make up for the lame jokes, lost themes, and bad translation.  The best line in any of the movies is "I could use pants."  I thought it was great.  The other theater patrons just kinda stared at the screen, wondering "What the Heck is on his head?")  Nobody can tell you where the phenomenon started, everybody thinks that the cards came first.  Even the local paper said "The Pokemon card craze has spawned a TV show, toys, and even a Nintendo game."  Throw me a 
frickin' bone here, people.

 If you're over the age of 11, you can't say Pokémon without being extradited.  You know how hard it is to say you like these games without your "Cool" peers (you know the "Cool" people: They get drunk/high over the weekend, come to school on Monday, and talk about just how drunk/high they got over the weekend, and how much drunker/higher they'll be getting this weekend.  When will these people crap out their diseased livers in the school bathroom as they smoke a cig?) giving you a hard time?  I would get on to DMGIce in one of my classes, they'd see "Peekachoo", and then it got ugly (Same thing happened with Gundam Wing sites, just because one of the songs is "White Reflection", they thought it was some fruity Brittney Spears-type crap.)  Then they demand I go to Eminem's site and view his wife-beating, homophobic "Cool" stuff.

Oh yeah.  I hope when I'm in my 20's, I get rich by singing about killing my wife (songs like this appear on both of his albums, one of which in an almost joking manner).  

 Even my Mom and Dad give me a look when I mention my anticipation of the next Pokémon game (Son, you need to grow up), and I can't explain to her that the games aren't about stupid little Ash running around saying stupid, poorly translated things in a whiney voice.

  
I blame the cards for the common knowledge of Pokémon, and the abuse of we, the Pokémon loving crowd that is considered too "Young" for us.  But I also accuse the American Public, who refuses to drop the subject.  If you don't know about it, and you haven't played it, you have no room to talk trash about it.  Go back to your violent, profane music, your PS2, and MTV (Hey, remember back in the '80's when they actually played videos?  Man, that was weird).  Leave room for those of us who have something (Intelligent) to say.