This is a humour file. More than 99% of this is my original material. The
other 1% is other people's stuff I've seen; but I don't remember their
names. So, kudos to you if you thought up one or two of these. (Yes I know
some of these are stupid; but a few of them are pure genius, so there!)

TOP 100 GAMES I NEVER WANT TO SEE.
By Philip Andrew Wesley AKA The Avardancer.
Rated PG-13 (Not for eyes tat is real innocent.)

100. CrackMan (What's in those little white pellets anyways?)

99. The Really Final Fantasy (No more.......)

98. Timor (Latin for "Fear". The first RPG in the dead language.)

97. Dork Rift (A portal has opened and true evil pours forth from it....)

96. John Madden's Weight-Watchers 1998 (The truth is out!)

95. You don't know Bill. (A new trivia game on Clinton's shady past.)

94. Greatest Hits collection: THQ

93. Mega-Janitor. (Be the one that picks up the guts and gore of new video
games!)

92. Moldin'Eye. (Get to be what the janitor of Resident Evil missed.)

91. Load Running (The first game that never loads up. Destined to be a big
hit on Saturn.)

90. Know your Mu. ("Mu" is nothingness. The game consists of a blank screen.
Of course Jaguar fans already know about staring at blank screens....)

89. SimVanilla Ice's career. (You know your going to lose this one.)

88. Return of the Fantastic Four (For Playstation....)

87. X-Force (Has nothing to do with the Marvel comics heros.....)

86. Wild Shoppers: Christmas rush. (Must find that toy!)

85. Wild Shoppers 2: After Christmas Sale. (Gorier than Mortal Kombat...)

84. Parrapa the Wall-flower. (Before learning to rap, Parrapa was a shy
little nerd. Push X to see him sqirm to the right. Push R1 to see him sweat
and twitch. Push [] to see nervously twiddle his thumbs. Press () many times
to make him wet himself...)

83. De-Scent (Aerosol anyone?)

82. Baywatch 64 (Gives new meaning to the name "The Fun Machine". Rumble Pak
compatible.)

81. Secret of Man, uh? (A popular and impossible to figure out game for the
female audience.)

80. Solitary (The game you play alone. Not related to the card game.....)

79. Deathtrap Driveway (It's a fun game involving the garage door and slow
children.)

78. Cake 64 (Great game; but I think I already gave away the ending.....)

77. ISS 64 (No, not "International Superstar Soccer"; I'm talking "In School
Suspension". Rumble pak compatible.)

76. EA Synchronized Swimming 64.

75. Last Broncs: The Denver team's desperate measures. (Grease is the word.
KC residents will get this one.)

74. Narcolepsy Nights: "Flight out of dreams." (Sega's new 3-D game for the
real world.)

73. Pickachu is your friend. (Nintendo wishs to boost every one's fave
Pokemon creature's reputation by starring it in the first game for
hypochondriacs.)

72. Yoshi's Fantasy Island (Kamek sez: "Da plane!" "Da plane!")

71. &*#% 64 (Nintendo decides to make a truly mature game. Lots of cussing,
nudity, blood, sex, and violence: NO plot.)

70. Dr. Mario's Morgue. (The real reason Luigi isn't in Mario 64.)

69. Super Goomba Bros. (Be the little mushroom creatures. Waddle along and
watch out for falling plumbers.)

68. Ms. Siah (The darkest game ever made by Dave Perry; it's about his third
grade teacher...)

67. Missed. (The smash hit EVERYONE overlooked.)

66. Rippen: The sequel to Missed. (This one explains why the island was
empty; Scratch and Sniff included.)

65. Old Derby Stallion (Good ole no. 52, was fast as thunder; now he's glue.)

64. Stock Market Simulator (It's rising, it's falling. Could be big in
Japan.)

63. Duke Singe 'Em 3-D (He's a man with small guns. No relation to Marv
Albert.)

62. Make-A-Video with Lynerd Skynerd

61. Make-A-Video with Hanson. (MmmmSTOP!)

60. Chronic the Hemp Hog's 3-D Blast. (Yeah, that one's old; but it's still
funny.)

59. 13 Colony Wars (The people in the next colony are Torries, get yer
musket!)

58. Tonya Harding's 3-D Skating 64 (This one makes Wayne Gretzky look weak.)

57. Rash Bandicoot: Return of Cortisone. (You're itching to play this.)

56. Room Raider (It's a favorite fraternity party game.)

55. Play it Loud 64. (Nothing but midi music. No game, just music.)

54. Sega's Hard Stuff. (NO COMMENT.)

53. Welcome to the Next Level. (Marshall AppleWhite's favorite game and
Sega's old slogan.)

52. Janet Reno 64 (She sits and waits, then sits and waits some more.)

51. Joycelyn Elders 64. (A potential best seller. Rumble Pak compatible.)

50. NOW In the Zone (Starring Monica Lewinsky)

49. SimLaundry Mat. (Rumble-pak compatible. Find the missing white sock.)

48. Clayfighter Trilogy. 

47. SuperMan's Adventures in therapy. (Am I red or blue? I can't decide.)

46. The Ultimate Rumble 64 (No game, just vibrating rumble-pak data.
F-f-f-f-f-u-u-u-n!)

45. Star Rocks 64 (The first ever fully 3-D stalgamite adventure. Defeat the
evil Andmoss before he conquers the Lilac System.)

44. Tail of the Sun 2

43. 64 64 (It had to be made.)

42. Real Pet 64. (A virtual pet so real, you shouldn't get too close to the
screen when it's in heat! Tip: Get it virtually spayed; but then it will
virtually hate you and virtually do it's business on your car.)

41. Yoshi's limerick. (Only 1 beautiful side-scrolling stage! Get one fruit
to beat it.)

40. Blue-Collar Rampage. (Forget "Redneck Rampage", tossing paper clips at
management is where it's at! Featuring Dilbert.)

39. Saturday Night Fever 64. (It's Parrapa the Rapper.... without rap.)

38. Korea Strike. (The most forgetable part of the "EA Strike" series.)

37. Sailor Mooned 64. (Only features Sailor Uranus. Tuxedo mask doesn't show
up. Sorry.)

36. Samurai Pizza Cats 64.

35. Body Harvest Moon (THAT'S how you get 25 inch taters!)

34. Micheal Jackson's "Blood on the Dance Floor". (It's a sequel to the old
"MoonWalker" video game for Sega Genesis; save the children and take them to
your mansion where they'll be "safe".)

33. Silicon Valley Spacestation MIR.

32. Harvest Moonies (Join us, now....)

31. San Fransisco Back-Alley Rush. (Plenty of highs, with secret "Hospital"
level.)

30. FOG 64 (Anyone seen my enemies?)

29. Asundria (The game skips and glitches everytime you press a button.)

28. Star Wars: "Shadows of Salacious Crumb" (Be the annoying creature and
laugh your bootie off.)

27. Alone in the Dark: With Paulie Shore (Scary!)

26. Cruisin' Drive-by (Featuring Tupac.)

25. Residents Evil (It's a slum landlord simulator.)

24. SimTelescope. (See your town citizens up-close and personal.)

23. The return of Bebe's Kids. (Pain..... sheer pain!)

22. Faller 64.

21. Square's 3-D World Runner 64 (Play the original on NES to find out why.)

20. Delay 64 (The game you won't ever play..... you'll see pictures of it;
you'll want it.... but you'll never have it!!! HA HA HA)

19. Fighters Dysentery (Okay, that was a bad joke. I'm sorry....)

18. TetrisFear (For those with a fear of falling blocks. Faster than any
puzzle game ever. Now Bio-Feedback Pak compatible.)

17. Blast Corpse (Mindless gut smashing.... could be a Playstation game!)

16. Mortal Kombat Misogyny: Goro (With soundtrack by Prodigy. NOW
endorsement not included.)

15. GoldenThigh (You are Sanders, Col. Sanders. And you thought Link was
mean to chickens.)

14. Extreme G-Strap. (Aimed at the female gamers - rumble pak compatible.)

13. John Denver and Buddy Holly's Pilotwings. (Wait till you see the Boeing
747 special round!)

12. Home Alone 3

11. Power- Pad 64 Exercise featuring Richard Simmons (I'm a pony!)

10. Spice Girls 64: "DikeWorld" (With guest stars Ellen Degeneres, Chelsea
Clinton, and Lara Croft.)

9. The Magic School Bus teaches Sex Ed. (Let's go on a field trip, kids.)

8. Diddy Kong Kombat (Wait till you see Pipsy's fatality!)

7. Una-BomberMan 64 (I found the Sweat-Shirt custom part!)

6. Mike Tyson's Lunchout

5. Paducah, KT  64 (It's a sequel to "Postal")

4. Where the %*@# is Carmen Sandiego. ('Nuff said")

3. Dorkatana (They laughed at you; but now you have a de-atomizing gun....)

2. Celebrity Edge Sking (Lot's of modes for play like "Ski-Football",
"Trees and Fog", and "Please, NO pictures; you dogs!")

1. Top Ex-Royalty Rally. (It's the game to DI for.)

BONUS JUNK for you to enjoy!
1. Final Shroom (After years of being a space marine; you decided to take up
a more peaceful hobby.)

2. Soy BomberMan 64 (It's what EVERY game should be.)

3. Kenneth Starr Fox 64. (And you all thought that Slippy was annoying.)

4. Final Quake (It's about the San Andreas Fault...)

5. Men In Pink (Featuring Puff Daddy, and Tommy Lee Jones.)

6. Asteroids 2028 (Sadly, there's no way to beat this game...)

7. The Legend of Rubella 4: Link's Asphixiationing (Okay... THAT was dumb.)

8. Wild Arms (The first date from heck simulator by Sony.)

9. Breath of Fire 3 (This is why you should brush.)

10. EA Sports presents "Toad-Licking". (It's a family sport.....)

11. Proposition 215 64. (It's the first Nintendo game to use the new Smelling
pak.)

12. Dennis Rodman's NBA Curbside. (After too many incidents you are fired and
now you must find a real job.)

13. Bio Reaks. (Another smelling pak fighting game.)

14. Semi-dark-abscense-of-light-person. (After the censors got hold of it;
there was nothing left.)

15. Turdcrok 2. (Be the pre-digested remains of a hero. 4-Player mode
included.)

16. Ziggy's Reckin' Balls. (The cartoon character finally shows that he does
a lot more in his spare time than mope...)

17. Monkey 64. (Most definately a good idea.)

18. Madeline's Coming out Adventure. (In a house in France that was covered 
in vines lived 12 gay girls in two straight lines.)